you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
