just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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