Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
