man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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