My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
