I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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