Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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