2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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