Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
