Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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