it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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