Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I pour the whiskey from now on
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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