DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize