also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
love makes seman taste better
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
