I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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