if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
