I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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