Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
