1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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