Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
