Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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