I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
