It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
