Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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