he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
