Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
