I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You smell like a Billy Joel song
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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