Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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