Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
