If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
