i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
