When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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