You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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