you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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