I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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