who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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