i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
