oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
