If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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