you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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