you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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