I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize