can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
