Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
