so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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