I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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