you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
