We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
