u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
