I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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