Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
