I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
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You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
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In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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