We're like a lot better than the average bears
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
