You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
