final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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