I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
