There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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