Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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