Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
