Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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