Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
