wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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